What in the H have I been doing since I last wrote? Well, not only getting over a severe bout of anxiety and depression due to just burying my feelings and constantly trying to please others, but I realized that I lot of this anxiety came from fears of the unknown and what ifs.
It was a long two years, but I made it through. Thanks to journaling (as part of my therapy) and realizing those what if's are a good thing. Everyone needs to get out of their comfort zone at times and do what makes THEM happy. Otherwise, you'll cease to live the life you WANT to live as oppose to just coasting through and doing what others want you to do.
I was cyber stalked and builled by of all people a quasi celebrity who used that influence as a way to intimdate and attempt to censor by serving myself and others with a cease and desist that local authorties stated had no legal merit.
I refused to back down along with others despite his attempts of gaslighting and other methods.
The group of girls he did this to. I will always have a bond with you. Thank you for teaching me that despite how different we all are and the fact that we didn't know each other, you taught me to be strong and to face things head on.
I lost a couple of friends due to his antics, but it's all good. Friends should be supportive and understanding. And also should be able to agree to disagree on issues. If you can't do that with me, then goodbye. Who wants to agree all the time on EVERYTHING? Friendships would be boring, right? You wouldn't be able to learn something about other people.
During this time, I also am a proud caregiver of two of the strongest ladies I know. My mom and aunt.
I would and will walk through fire for them.
A little secret, a couple of years ago. I left my job of 15 years actually for them. They needed me. They were older, not as mobile, they needed things to be taken care of that I couldn't do previously without a lot of back and forth from my job. And to be honest, I was exhausted emotionally.
So, I began to not only take care of myself, but also take care of them. I realized that I couldn't take care of them if I was a mess. When I quit, I was a complete mess. But the first thing I learned was that to care of them, I had to fix myself first. Also, I realized that I needed help with them.
Now, if you aren't familiar with being a caregiver, it's not an easy task. You deal with bills, doctors, insurances, proxy's, you name it. It's crazy. LOL. After doing this now, I got pretty good system down and finally after some back and forth with my mother and aunt (thanks to a cancer scare and a fall ) we have help for them so that I can live my life a bit and have some balance.
I'm at the point where I have a bunch of freedom like I had when they were mobile. So, I'll be traveling a LOT in 2017! A whole lot.
With that, there is a lot of happiness and a bit of guilt.
Am I doing the right thing? Will they be ok? What will happen if I'm not there? What if I can't get home in time if something happens? These are the questions at the moment that are running rampant in my mind.
Everyone says, it will go away, but wow. I can't help it. LOL.
Who else is a caregiver? Did you feel like this? Does this feeling go away. Please tell me.
Also, there is the election. Just wow!
I just have an urge to help at this point. Because I feel a lot of people will need a lot of it. And while I'm not happy with the results, I feel that I could be needed helping people affected by what is about to happen to them. (That's where I'll be)
Oh, BTW, I'll be posting my travels beginning with my trip to Florida in the next few weeks.
This is what i've been doing .. What have all of you been doing?